Day 16: Abilene, Kansas to Topeka, Kansas

Distance: 109 miles
Climbing: 2800 feet according to the ride book, but I’m going to stop reporting that stat because it’s definitely wrong. There wasn’t a level piece of road to be found today.

I’m kicking myself for not bring a camera today. I was thinking, “Jesus, another day in Kansas. When does this freaking state end?” Man, was I full of crap. The stretch of Kansas Route 4 between Abilene and Topeka may have been the nicest riding road thus far. There was lots of terrain with these lush green hills rolling up and down as the road twists, rises, and meanders through it. The morning was crisp, but not cold, and a stage designer had been brought in to artfully place patches of fog here and there through the valleys, but in a way that didn’t mute the azure sky. We had herds of buffalo hanging out on the hills, two buzzards drying their wings on the roof of an abandoned house, and a weiner dog chasing me with the determination of a doberman. The entire morning reminded me of the ride up Forgedale Road between Oley and Dryville near Hannah’s house. It goes uphill so you have to work, but it’s so beautiful that you wouldn’t have it go by faster.

I did the entire ride off the front again, just to have some solitude to absorb it and because I was feeling absurdly strong. After the lunch break at 77 miles, I time trialed the remaining 32 miles into Topeka.

Ron posted me this question the other day what my book was about—seems a fair question but one for which I haven’t really refined the pithy one paragraph elevator pitch yet. I was thinking about coming up with that on today’s ride but didn’t, didn’t really try too much to tell you the truth. What I did think about was the process of writing the book and how it changed me, the space I needed to get into to make it go. I put my emotions in a very different place than they had ever been before, and I was ruthless with them. It was necessary for the writing, but it spilled out everywhere. It forced me to a much deeper level of honesty than I had ever plumbed, where silence and suppression possess the force of a lie and are untenable even had I the will to maintain them.

Now here’s the kicker. The genie doesn’t go back in the bottle. I don’t want it to. We walk around all day mouthing these data and facts and communicating about this objective world that runs in black and white while all the action, all the truths that anybody really gives a shit about, are happening in silence. I’m working on making that silence go away in my own life. It’s a pretty clumsy process, I have to tell you. Techa has seen it, some other people.

Most importantly, Hannah has seen it. I hope she can look beyond my stumblings with the process of becoming to see that this ability to communicate feelings is the best and truest way to be enriched by other people and the world around us. It’s the best offer we can make, the most honest thing we can do, the most direct way we have to get down to the stuff that actually matters. And Lord it feels good.

Later.

Oh, wait. One other thing. I’ve got a few photos, but if you want to see the good photos, go to the website being run by the ride leader, Mike, at www.bamacyclist.com.